A strong woman can be a loving wife.
This post is not for the modern, self-sufficient, feminist, woman.
I love being a wife! I will say it again, I love being a wife! Some may say, "well, yeah, wait until the honeymoon phase is over, then the dull reality will set it in". Well, guess what? I was a wife for 19 years and I loved being a wife then and I love being a wife now! I think at the end of this post you may think I'm a total weirdo and that's okay, but maybe a single woman needs to read this. Being a wife is supposed to be a good thing. I hear so many complaining and whining
about their husbands, what they do and don't do, how they act and don't act. That being said, I am not talking about those extreme abusive (physical, emotional) or cheating husbands. I am talking about being married to a man who loves you, who is devoted to you and is doing the best he can; in spite of, weaknesses and imperfections.
There are many keys to a happy marriage; the main one being God as the center of your marriage. However, through the years I have learned of another important key to being a happy wife and it's not your husband bending over backwards trying to make you happy. The key I'm talking about is "stop sweating the small stuff". I thought it was a myth that couples fought over open toilet seats and open toothpaste until I found myself in the car of a married couple. My late husband and I had been married a week, and this couple bickered, I mean BICKERED! For an hour! Over the capless toothpaste. I couldn't believe my ears, I hadn't been a wife for more than a week and still felt like that was the most ridiculous argument I had ever heard, and I heard plenty of marital arguments growing up. Why ladies, why must we pick on our husbands over random, unimportant things such as socks on floor, or whiskers in the sink. I realized along time ago that I will use less energy, putting down the toilet seat, putting top on toothpaste, picking up his socks then arguing and nagging; and, we are still happy together. Are these arguments worth it?
I enjoy what many consider to be "old school". I love cooking for my husband, there is a turkey meatloaf in the oven and mashed potatoes on the stove as I type and as he naps. I love dressing up for my husband, I enjoy taking care of myself and trying not to let myself go, so he has something pleasant before his eyes. I love being affectionate with him, planning date nights and asking him his opinion in different situations. Do you know how relieving it is to allow my husband to take charge and rest in his decision and strength? This magic happens when I submit.
I repeat this post is not for the feminist, modern, almighty woman.
I love doing his laundry, and keeping the house nice and neat for him and for me. Is he demanding any of this? No. Am I a failure if I don't do in any of these areas? Nope. My husband is man enough to step up and cook and clean and allow me to rest; and he has many times. I love how he ohhs and ahhs over my cooking or what I'm wearing. I love how he joins in the work, because we are a team. This is why I love being a wife. He puts in as much effort to show me love and care, as I do for him. It's called teamwork and we also realize that there will be some days that I won't be happy, because of a situation and vice versa and it is not my job to make him happy and it is not his job to make me happy; however, the simple fact that I enjoy being his wife, makes him happy. I think the motto " happy wife, happy life" is stupid, to say the least. My joy comes from the Lord, so if he isn't at his best one day and forgets to compliment my food or clothes, I'm fine, because I am not codependent on his approval and he is not codependent on mine. We show each other love, compliment each other, cook for one another not because it is our job, or because he has to make me happy, but because we love each other. Where there are flaws, failures, disappointments, we extend grace. Just as God extends grace to us every single day because we fall short. We will fail each other, we are mere humans with selfish, narcissistic ways. The stuff we can't figure out, we bring before God. The good stuff, we bring before God as Praise and thanksgiving. Marriage is meant to be a beautiful journey and I am determined to unlock that beauty alongside the husband God has blessed me with. I have hope that our marriage full of imperfections, grace and forgiveness will be an example for our kids, as they pray for their spouses.
So, what am I trying to say?
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Marry someone who loves Jesus, and will do their best to love and care for you.
Understand grace, covering, forgiveness, submission, before you marry.
Enjoy the journey of being a wife.
Pray for your husband always.
Oh! And you will have needs your husband will not be able to fulfill because those areas are God's job. Seek God for that peace, healing and joy you yearn for.