As long as there is life within me
"She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her."
During this season of pain, grief and wandering, I am learning so much about myself, my heart, my mind.
God blessed me with 19 years of marriage with a man who loved the Lord, was an incredible provider and father. I thank the Lord every day for those years. I am grateful for the opportunity to be a wife and helpmate to this man. Now he rejoices with Jesus, his body healed and whole. His mind and heart finally in perfect peace that only our heavenly Father can give.
Jorge will forever be in my heart❤ and my children's hearts❤❤❤, his memory forever kept alive.
I have been chosen to stay in the land of the living for awhile longer and, with that in mind, I need to be honest with myself, with my children and with God.
I do not want to walk this life alone. Do I have the ability to be alone? Absolutely! God is with me and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. However, I am finding something out about myself during this journey. I still have so much more love to give. I have so much comfort and encouragement to give. I loved being a wife and, eventually, I want to be a wife again.
I have been open and transparent to my heavenly Father about this desire and I believe, in His grace and love for me, God has heard my cry. I believe through certain open doors, that only He could open, God has approved my desire.
Does this mean I will be married tomorrow or next week? No. Only God knows the perfect timing. The time when my heart is 100% ready; as well as, the hearts of my children. Who, by the way, know and understand their mom's desires and heart cry. I hide nothing from my children and their hearts take priority over mine. I would never take any steps in a direction that would hurt them and know, for a fact, God would never open doors that would bring harm to my children.
All of these desires, thoughts and plans are brought before the Lord constantly. Most importantly, I desire God's will and perfect plan for our lives.
God is not a God of "stuck". God is a God who calls us to walk by faith, to move forward.
My heartcry now isn't about "if" but is all about "when". God knows the perfect pace at which I will move forward and He knows the perfect timing.
Thank you for listening to my heart❤