My anniversary letter to you.
Today is our 20th wedding Anniversary. We were married at 12 noon. Of course you know this. I can't help but focus on the sad fact that we were supposed to renew our vows today. I drempt about this day for at least 5 years. I have pictures of the dress, cake and flowers, and even hoping for the honeymoon we never had. This day was so important to me because I felt we needed a new beginning, a time of refreshing in our marriage. The last 9 years have been rough. Aside from raising and battling for the life of our special needs son, your interest in our marriage began to fade. There were times when I felt invisible to you. I thought it was me, I wasn't being a good enough wife. Just recently I found the notebook I used to write down what the doctor's said about your condition. I was writing but my mind was in shock so I really wasn't listening. The note read that some of your strokes were more than 2 years old. This explains your change in behavior towards me! If only I would have known. I would have never taken things so personal. Doctors never suspected strokes because you were so young. I experienced your changes, I saw every single heartbreaking change, and each one was breaking me and I didnt understand what was going on. Today you are healed, and filled with perfect joy and peace in heaven with Jesus.
I miss you, I still struggle with what could have and should have been if you hadn't gotten sick. I still struggle with accepting reality, but every day is a little easier.
I am moving forward with a hurting heart, I am moving forward all the while wondering, what would we be doing today if you hadnt gotten sick. Oh yeah, we would be renewing our vows. I would be getting beautiful for you, friends decorating, food being prepped, excitement and romance in the air. A new hope for better days in our marriage, closer, stronger because we stood in the storms. But thats not how it is. So I move forward, into God's plan for me and the kids.
Happy Anniversary my love❤