• Laura Alvarado-Newson

My anniversary letter to you.

Dear Jorge,

Today is our 20th wedding Anniversary. We were married at 12 noon.  Of course you know this.  I can't help but focus on the sad fact that we were supposed to renew our vows today.  I drempt about this day for at least 5 years.  I have pictures of the dress, cake and flowers, and even hoping for the honeymoon we never had.  This day was so important to me because I felt we needed a new beginning, a time of refreshing in our marriage.  The last 9 years have been rough.  Aside from raising and battling for the life of our special needs son, your interest in our marriage began to fade.  There were times when I felt invisible to you.  I thought it was me, I wasn't being a good enough wife.  Just recently I found the notebook I used to write down what the doctor's said about your condition.  I was writing but my mind was in shock so I really wasn't listening.  The note read that some of your strokes were more than 2 years old.  This explains your change in behavior towards me!  If only I would have known.  I would have never taken things so personal.  Doctors never suspected strokes because you were so young.  I experienced your changes, I saw every single heartbreaking change, and each one was breaking me and I didnt understand what was going on. Today you are healed, and filled with perfect joy and peace in heaven with Jesus.

I miss you,  I still struggle with what could have and should have been if you hadn't gotten sick.  I still struggle with accepting reality, but every day is a little easier.  

I am moving forward with a hurting heart, I am moving forward all the while wondering, what would we be doing today if you hadnt gotten sick.  Oh yeah, we would be renewing our vows.  I would be getting beautiful for you, friends decorating, food being prepped, excitement and romance in the air.  A new hope for better days in our marriage, closer, stronger because we stood in the storms.  But thats not how it is.  So I move forward, into God's plan for me and the kids.

Happy Anniversary my love❤

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