Allowing others to help me, embracing this new way of living.
As most of you know, my life has been about caring for others; caring for my children, extra caring for my special needs son, caring for a youth group, caring for my husband, caring, caring, caring. I care for others with my whole heart and, in turn, feel honored to be able to serve in a very small way, as Jesus would in people's lives. Loving and caring for others have always energized me. This is who I am and I love it. I don't mind being referred to as a servant in the least! However, these days of sadness and pain have brought me to my knees in unexplainable ways, draining me of energy, of resources, of motivation, of hope and of my sanity. During this time of trying to figure out my new normal and the new normal for my precious babies, I am experiencing God's love, grace and provisions in unimaginable ways. This love is coming from His children, the church, the body of Christ. I could try to explain this through a normal bible study format as how Jesus calls us to be as one and how we are to love each other, but I'm not. I am going to share specifically how Jesus' love is being poured out on me and my children.
We see Jesus love through:
My family who have been there from the beginning. My sister, despite the fact that she just had a baby, took care of my girls day and night, picking them up from two different schools, while caring for her newborn infant. Coming over to cook amazing meals and be with me and my girls. What amazing love and sacrifice! My mom who has been by my side, sleeping at my house, being there to hold me, listen to me, and now accompanies me to church. This brings so much comfort to our hearts and; especially to our son who focuses on how cool it is to have grandma at church and not focusing on the absence of his father and best friend. My other sister and her daughter, always there when needed to cry to with me and listen. My dear best friend who is more like my family, there with me allowing me to vent, ready to hold me at a moments notice, playing and distracting my girls. My step dads presence who is always a comfort even when he's quiet. My dad and his wife, the financial support has been nothing short of a miracle, the calls and the words of love, a blessing! I am so thankful to my family.
My church family. Wow! A close friend was with me at the hospital when my husband passed away, she held me in my most darkest moment. My pastor and his wife, my spiritual parents and best friends, with me always, praying for us, sharing words of comfort and wisdom, taking care of the gruesome funeral arrangements while I processed what was happening. Another dear family stepping in, who had just lost their beloved son a few months ago, by my side as well, helping with arrangements and even donating a plot for my husband. No words! Less than 24 hours after my husband passing away, my house full and busy of lovely women cooking and cleaning, listening to me, giving me tea, holding me and my kids. The night after he passed, I went into a crisis, hearing the hospital alarms over and over again, I still do. That night I messaged one of my close friends to come, it was 2am. Without hesitation, she came running, she sat with my head on her lap as I cried and cried and tried to sleep, but just tossed and turned. she stayed until 630am! who does that? Later on that day she returns to cook with other beautiful ladies. Now the men, husbands of these lovely ladies step in, to do yard work, and other odd jobs around the house. One young lady, coming in before work to do arts and crafts with my daughters! No words! These people have been surrounding us ever since, with cards, flowers, food, love, hugs, listening ears, money. No words! Jesus' love!
Our Heartland Family. Heartland Christian Homeschool Center. This family has come together and prayed for us, but not only that. The families have come together to pay for my daughter's tuition!!! Who does that? Jesus' children do! My daughter's schooling is completely covered and there was some leftover for me to be able to transfer my youngest to this school, one year covered! Who does that? Jesus' children, that's who! I don't know many of these lovely people and many of them don't know me, that is Jesus' love at it's best. Not to mention the beautiful plant sent to us and is still alive and well in my kitchen. No words!
The cards, the money, the gifts, the love sent through FB messages, by mail, from friends all around the world, some that only know me through FB and still pouring out your love and generosity. Wow!
Being cared for by others is a strange thing for me. I am learning how to receive and embrace so much love and care without being able to pay it back or return it. I have always been one to tough it out, suck it up and handle it. This tragedy is a doozy and Yes! I need all of you, every single one of you, you know who you are. I love you all so much and although this word doesn't seem to cover the emotion I'm feeling, Thank you!!!
And to those of you who I am going out to coffee with, I love it and need it! Thank you!
When I think of all of you, I think of one person: Jesus!