One Family for Sale!
So I go to ER yesterday with my blood pressure rising, numb fingers, nausea and loss of breath. I thought for sure I was very close to having a heart attack. I have also been having alot of nerve problems on my face, but it ignored it for awhile. So I get there, they are all concerned and run every series of testing possible; bloodwork, ct scan of my head, xrays. The nurse walks in to say that my bloodwork results look good, no problems there. Now we wait for ct scan, I thought for sure, maybe a head tumor or something. All of the other results come back and everything is fine. As a matter of fact, more than fine. The doctor was quite impressed with how beautiful the numbers looked, "you are healthier than me" she says. "Surely my blood sugars are off right doc?" "perfect levels!" "oh, ok than it's my thyroid, right?" Perfect! doc says. "So than why am I having all of these symptoms?" Doctor sits down and I thought, oh boy here it comes. "You are under alot of stress". Whoa!!!!! Every one sound the alarm, I am under stress!!!!!! No way!!!!! She continues "you must remove yourself from the source of your stress". So following doctor's orders, my family is up for sale. Not only will I remove the cause of stress but I make some money. This reminds me of one of favorite poems:
"One sister for sale, one sister for sale
one crying and spying young sister for sale
I'm really not kidding, who'll start the bidding
Do I hear a dollar, a nickel, a penny?
Oh isn't there, isn't there anyone
who'll buy this young sister for sale
this crying and spying young sister for sale!
Sorry if I messed it up, this is how I memorized it. I had two little wild sisters so this poem was so relevant.
No I am really not selling my family, I know once they were gone I would miss them terribly (after about 2 days of sleep, uninterrupted meals and TV watching of course) Hey, I'm human!
Why am I so disappointed that there wasn't a tangible diagnosis? Maybe because with an actual diagnosis there would be a medicine, a treatment, a surgery to undergo and than feel better. Worse case scenario, an expiration date at least. There are some days when I think if I only knew that I only had 6 months to live, that would energize me because I knew a rest was coming. Relax, I'm not going to take myself out. I love my God and my family, more than my unstable emotions.
So here I am, as healthy as a horse and will probably live until I am 115. Hopefully, by then I would have figured out God's plan and purpose in all of this.
So today, i will put one foot in front of the other and in between every step and every breath I look up and cry out "God give me strength!" And He always does because He is faithful even when my faithfulness is not so faithful. I am learning my heart cannot be trusted, but His word and promises can.
So to my beloved friends and readers, there is only so much trust we should put in our hearts and emotions, trust in God and His plan even when every fiber of your being wants to give up; I understand, I am there. Psalm 31:1-5 says:
"O Lord, I have come to you for protection; don't let me be disgraced. Save me, for you do what is right. Turn your ear to listen to me; rescue me quickly. Be my rock of protection, a fortress where I will be safe. You are my rock and my fortress. For the honor of your name, lead me out of this danger. Pull me from the trap my enemies set for me, for I find protection in you alone. I entrust my spirit in your hand. Rescue me, Lord, for you are a faithful God."
Today my enemies are my thoughts and my emotions, they seek to disgrace and trap me. I thank God for His protection and His strength. He is a good, good Father and I will trust in His plan.