Hello to all of my dear friends and readers. It's been awhile I know! I just finished round 4 of my day, every one is in bed and I am just enjoying the peace and quiet of the night while fighting the urge to look at tomorrow's to-do list. Lately, for the past couple of months my days look something like this:
5am: Wake up! Seek, beg, plea to the Lord for strength for all I have to do, love and kindness for everyone around me and a big muzzle over my big mouth, when that love falls short.
Wake up kids
start son's lung therapy
fight with youngest about breakfast, clothes, spider; well, everything
make breakfast and school lunch
gulp down coffee, burn tongue (never fails, EVERY DAY!!!!)
leave son half naked, run daughter to school 3 minutes away, while son is supervised by husband
finish dressing son, get him up and in chair (run over my own foot with hoyer lift, yes Every day!!!)
brush his teeth, shave him, take him outside to wait for bus, husband takes over
run into kitchen, make sure dog is fed,
make breakfast for me and husband, at this point 13 yr old gave up on me and makes her own breakfast (YES!!!)
administer meds to husband
gulp rest of what now is disgusting, cold coffee
oh and somewhere around there I got dressed and brushed my teeth and put on deodorant (i think)
Off to some appointment: therapy, specialist or a follow-up (write checks and do bills while hubby is in appointment)
Cardiac Rehab at noon (daughter and I sit under and tree and rest for an hour, Sarah must you go back to school) At this point I am falling asleep under the tree while she plays games on phone
(hmmm it is a good day if there is a space in between appointments to run to car wash or grocery store)
grab some lunch, somewhere healthy, sorta.
Stress about dinner, I'm already tired, yikes!
Phew! get home with an hour to spare before picking up daughter from school
Lie down as the piles of laundry and dirt on floor sing in beautiful harmony the song of guilt
Phone rings, make more appointments
Pick up daughter
run to grocery store, what's for dinner?
get home in time to take son off of bus
put him in room, rush stinky daughter to bathtub
Lie son down, clean him up, oops left daughter in bathtub completely forgotten, she has now emptied the whole bottle of shampoo and is buried in bubbles, she also decided to create her own personal tsunami so now my bathroom is flooded. At this point I have convinced myself that everyone hates me including the dog, oh no! Has the dog been fed?
get daughter out of tub, start dinner, serve dinner, clean up after dinner (thankfully my older daughter is of some help)
time for the battle of the homework, I usually win but not without a fight and getting a good verbal, emotional and mental beating from my oh-so-smart 8 year old who will one day rule the world by force.
20 minutes before bedtime, kitchen is shiny clean
all of the sudden everyone is hungry again, did you people not just eat?
the muzzle the Lord had put on me is slowly slipping off, this is my danger zone, I am exhausted, don't like anyone anymore.
Hurry up! Eat your cereal! Go put on your pajamas! and go...to....bed!!!!
Clean kitchen again, while yelling my song: "stop fighting! get your pajamas on!!! Don't make me get the wooden spoon! (oops)"
administer night meds to hubby, who now grabs a yogurt and dirty's a spoon ( I am trying to hide the foam coming from my mouth)
husband heads to the room for a long deserved rest, those therapists are brutal...and now it is time for the:
mom vs. youngest child and her reasons why she can't go to bed just yet. Give her water for the thirst, cream for the itch, a hug for the tears, read with her, take off her socks, more cream for the itch and a band-aid for the 2 week old wound that I can barely see.
Last but not least, a prayer for God to bless her sleep and a threat on her life if she gets out of bed one more time
Now time to do the bills!
Somewhere in between I fit in being a mom and wife, go to church and spend time with my beloved family, go to school functions and conferences, and get my nails done!
I am truly in awe and thankful to my God for His strength and mercy every single day. My life is busy and my heart and mind a bit messy, but I get through it! God is using these therapies and appointments to help my husband. Our marriage and love for each other is being tested and refined. God is speaking to him, as much as, He is speaking to me in all of this. We don't have answers to any of the why's but God's light is making our path clear. It is a path of trust. I have to say it is a messy process but I am alot more patient and nicer than I used to be. I see these days as God's tools; a fire, that if we allow it, it will purify us. God is good and although I am exhausted at the end of each day, I can confidently go to bed knowing that God will be waiting for me at 5am (or sometimes 6am) to strengthen me and to allow me to surrender my mess to Him. God is real! people, or I wouldn't be here doing what I do every...single...day! My husband wouldn't be able to stand strong, hold his head up in faith and trust! My children wouldn't be able to laugh and find fun in the car on the way from one appointment to another. God is real, He is love and He is in control!
For the record, there are days where I just can't get myself up at 5am, my body refuses to budge. I am imperfect, messy, and loved by God.
"But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
"I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Phillippians 4:13