Nothing but a servant!
This post is inspired by a blog titled "Connie's Cogitations Servant of All".
During this journey in the thick of it, many things go through my mind; as a matter of fact, too many things go through my mind. There are so many voices, so many thoughts and none of them are helpful. Before you call those guys in white coats to come and pick me up (which wouldn't be a bad idea, maybe I can get a decent night's sleep), allow me to remind you that we all have these voices. Our thoughts and self-talk, and to us they all make sense; they all have a point. Our thoughts offer valid questions like: "what are you going to do?" "Why is this happening?" "What did you do wrong?" Our thoughts also are very good at jumping to conclusions, such as "this is it, this is the end for you"; or one that I have struggled with especially by the end of my day "you are nothing but a servant now".
My day in a nutshell
The moment my feet hit the floor in the morning, it is all about getting the kids ready for school, drawing up and administering medications, packing lunches, making breakfast, lifting son out of bed, looking for lost shoes, and getting every one somewhere on time. Once kids are dropped off, make breakfast for husband, get ready to leave for his appointments, take and make phone calls regarding his health matters, take notes of everything said and done, make more appointments, run to the pharmacy, and oh man 'what is for dinner?" Wait! that's my responsibility too, but first, pick up kids, answer more calls, make dinner, help with homework, baths, feed the dog, administer more meds, and phew! Tired yet? Me too. Okay you get my point, by the end of the day, I have some serious thoughts about my demotion from mom and wife to just a plain ol'servant. Besides other issues I am dealing with or should I say wrestling with God about, and losing every match, yes, I am a basket case (please don't call the guys in white coats), this servant thing has been a complaint in my heart for some time now.
I finally find a break in my day, plop on the couch to enjoy a cup of coffee and maybe part of a TV show, when, suddenly someone needs something, someone has a fever or the phone rings. There are moments when I want to scream and just run out of my house like a mad woman (ok, go ahead and call the guys with the white coats).
Tonight, I have been given a different magnifying glass to look at this through. This was taken from an amazing blog "Connie's Cogitations: Servant of All":
"A servant came in and set out the Passover meal in front of Jesus—a flat circle of unleavened bread, an unadorned wood flagon of wine.Suddenly, instead of beginning the Passover ritual, Jesus stood resolutely to His feet and went to the corner, where a washbasin stood, removing his outer garment as he went. There was something vulnerable in His appearance as He carried the basin back to the table. Stooping, their Sovereign Lord, King of all kings—began to wash their feet, the lowly task of a slave."
Jesus began to wash their feet, "the lowly task of a slave." My Lord, my Savior, my God took the form of a slave and washed his disciples' feet. More from Connie:
"Jesus went on to describe the "trap" he had set for them. "I have set for you an example that you should do as I have done for you." If He, as Supreme Creator God could wash their feet, His servants could do no less than serve each other."
Here's the thing. I knew this. I have read that verse over and over again, I have been reading the Word of God since I was 14. This is the difference between knowing something in your head and knowing something in your heart and living it.
" So Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
"Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant". This brings tears as I type this. I am a Type A personality, pretty much 100% choleric. This means I want to be the boss, I want to be in control and no one can do it as well as I can. Of course I am describing the me without the guidance of the Lord in my life. However, this is a very strong trait that can get ugly pretty quickly without the balance of the Word of God, His grace, guidance and a hefty dose of confession and repentance.
I have been serving in this new capacity of caregiver to two for a few months now and shamefully I have to admit that 90% of the time it has not been in the right attitude. Most of my moanings and groanings have been internal but, nonetheless, I can't hide anything from God. He knows and sees everything.
It is time to admit: Yes! I am nothing but a servant! However, now it is time to seek God for the grace to have the right attitude during this season in my life where I feel like nothing but a servant. After all, I want to serve the Lord with all of my heart. Although I complain, in my heart I love Him so much and want nothing but His will, but I have this weak, selfish flesh always getting in the way of His purpose. '
So my prayer and desire is that God give me the grace to wake up proud to be a servant, proud to serve all day, proud to do for my family, in an attitude of worship, of gratitude, and of humility. I think I am catching on to what God wants...now to get this flesh of mine to get with the program!
Maybe you are going through something similar, and no matter how much you pray for deliverance, it doesn't come. Join with me as we seek God for the grace to serve and go through this valley with a good attitude, a servant's heart, worshiping Him and seeking Him for strength when we run out; and last but not least, thanking Him, knowing that His will and purpose in our life will be accomplished. And it's all good, because He is a good God.
All of that said, through out all of this God is teaching me balance. Mark 12:31 says "‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” What does this mean? As a servant, I need to take care of myself as well, so I look for ways to get away to refresh, rest, re-energize. A good servant takes care of him/herself to be able to give the best while serving. I cannot serve if I am sick, exhausted, frustrated. Here are some things I have chosen to do, to refresh my spirit, soul and body:
5 ways to refresh and re-energize
1) Making it a priority to spend time with God; read His Word, talk to Him; sometimes, this means cry to Him. Yes, sometimes, even complain, rant, be angry. I am learning to leave these emotions at His feet and allow Him to comfort, strengthen and fill me. My goal is to no longer carry these emotions with me while I serve.
2) Color. I love to color. First of all, it's hard to eat ice cream while coloring. Yep, problems with emotional eating. Coloring keeps my hands and mind busy, relaxes me and I get a chance to express my artistic side.
3) Exercise, every chance I get. It is so true what they say, exercise releases "endorphins"; I call it a natural anti-depressant. It is an instant mood changer. It doesn't have to be torture. I personally like to walk my dog, do zumba, or just walk on my treadmill. Occasionally my daughters and I enjoy a dance party together. What do you like to do?
4) Laugh. I love watching "Tom and Jerry" with my girls. I start giggling like I was a kid again, this really helps me get a better perspective. What makes you laugh?
5) Talk to someone. I talk to my Pastor, and his wife who I also consider my best friend; as well as, other close family and friends. It is so important to voice that craziness so someone outside of my crazy emotional bubble can call it what it truly is and bring some perspective and wisdom. Make sure you talk to someone that will be honest with you, in love of course; not someone who will dance at your pity party.
I am not perfect, I am still learning and working on all of this daily. I always tell myself, one day at a time. So I say to all of those "servants" out there, one day at a time! Now let's go serve!
For more of priceless pearls of wisdom by Connie, please visit: